How Being Mindful During Sex Changes Everything
How can slowing down improve sex? For some, it may seem counterintuitive. But don’t be fooled. Just because steamy movies depict fast sex that hits the high note together doesn’t mean that sex really plays out that way for most couples. Science revels that mindfulness, or slowing the arousal process down, may effectively improve sex in several ways. In fact, the evidence couldn’t be clearer that slower sex is more passionate sex. Mindfulness focuses on accepting the here-and-now and letting go of the what-ifs, the too-bads, and the should-haves.
Read on and consider four ways mindfulness can improve your sex life:
Sexual Mindfulness Alleviates Sexual Anxiety and Encourages Connection
Anxiety is the enemy of arousal. When men or women experience performance anxiety or sexual dysfunction, their stress, fear, judgment, and shame will often create muscle tension, doubt, insecurity, and lack of confidence in sex as well as the overall relationship. Mindfulness is one way to interrupt that process and regain control.
Research found that men who slowed down their thoughts and dismissed judgmental ideas improved both their erectile issues and satisfaction with their sexual experiences.i Although we still need more research, it certainly seems that mindfulness gives men a powerful way to take back their own sexual functioning, desire, and arousal.
Likewise, more mindful women feel empowerment when dealing with painful sex and were able to think differently about the pain and diminish the distressing nature of sex.ii We know the brain and body interact and mindfulness can help address physical responses by addressing emotional factors like stress and anxiety. Mindfulness is often the antidote to sexual anxiety and sexual stress.
Mindfulness Encourages Sexual Desire
When couples feel heightened stress (and let’s face it, who isn’t feeling heightened stress nowadays), sexual desire takes a hit. Quarantine, surging health concerns, conflict worldwide, and inflation can all contribute to feelings of stress and conflict. These layered concerns can take a toll on sexual desire. For some, desire may seem frivolous or unimportant. Sexual desire is like a boomerang that brings us back to our partner to connect, grow closer, and enjoy each other’s company. But when stress is ever-present, it erodes libido.iii Again, we see that physical stress can be interrupted through emotional acknowledgment and mindfulness. When we take a minute to reconnect with our breath, we begin to notice where we’re holding tension, what emotions are troubling us, and maybe even why.
Research is clear that mindfulness, even simple practices like a body scan or a repeated mantra, can help us feel greater desire.
