When you were young, maybe you imagined you’d be married by a certain time—like your

parents or grandparents before you. In 1950, most couples married just as they were stepping

into adulthood—men around 22, women around 20. Today, those first vows are postponed until

the early thirties.¹

It isn’t only a national story. Globally, first-marriage ages are climbing too—29 to 37 for men

and 27 to 35 for women in many countries.² The share of individuals aged 40–59 entering

marriage for the first time—what researchers call midlife first marriages—has also been rising

steadily since 1990.³

Even in religious communities, where marriage is highly valued, marriage ages are increasing. In

their 2023 Single Adult Devotional, President and Sister Oaks noted that the average first-

marriage age among members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has risen by

about five years since 1970.⁴

For many, marriage never comes at all. The share of adults who have never married has reached

a record high, part of a generational shift that touches every faith community.⁵

But what do these shifts mean for those who hoped marriage would come sooner—or for those

who watched the years and it never came? For those who have endured the death of a spouse or

the heartbreak of divorce? Or for those whose faith and orientation call them to a life outside

heterosexual marriage?

For these adults—whether never married, divorced, widowed, or LGBTQ+—faithful singleness

often lasts far longer than our traditions have imagined. These singles, devoutly religious, deeply

faithful, fully loving God—still feel desire. And that longing deserves attention, understanding,

and guidance.

The Single Adult Experience

With so many adults now spending large portions of their lives outside of marriage—whether

never married, divorced, widowed, or celibate for faith reasons—the experience of desire takes

on new spiritual and emotional dimensions. For religious singles, this often means long stretches

of abstinence, sometimes even a lifetime, despite a sincere hope for companionship or covenant

connection.⁶

Most faith traditions teach adolescents awakening to sexual desire that those feelings are meant

for marriage. Our bodies prepare us biologically for intimacy, and when that longing first stirs in

youth, it is easily redirected toward a future spouse—especially when marriage for their parents

and leaders followed soon after adolescence.

But what happens when marriage doesn’t come—or comes much later? Who teaches a faithful

single adult how to live with ongoing desire through years, or even decades, of waiting? What

about those who have loved and lost through death or divorce, or whose convictions or

orientation place them outside heterosexual marriage altogether?

These situations are not rare exceptions. Research shows that adults across all life stages—never

married, divorced, and widowed alike—continue to experience strong sexual desire throughout

adulthood.⁷ For some, attraction remains vivid; for others, it softens with age or circumstance.

But for nearly all, desire never disappears entirely.

Acknowledging this truth does not diminish faith—it humanizes it. It reminds us that

discipleship unfolds within bodies that long, ache, and age. For religious singles, that means

learning to live faithfully with embodied desire: to neither shame it nor indulge it, but to let it

deepen humility and reliance on God.

Desire Across Adulthood

If desire endures across the lifespan—even when society expects it to fade—we must ask: what

are the costs of silence?

Many expect sexual desire to disappear with age, yet studies show the opposite. Hormones like

testosterone and oxytocin continue to influence arousal throughout life.⁸ In the Berlin Aging

Study II, one-third of people ages 60–82 reported more sexual thoughts than younger adults.⁹

Over half of adults ages 65–74 remain sexually active, with a quarter continuing intimacy into

their late seventies.¹⁰

Sexuality, then, is not confined to youth or marriage. It is part of being human. For religious

singles, this can mean decades of desire—often while faithfully abstinent. Bancroft and Janssen

note that desire varies widely: some feel strong attraction, others little or none, and many have

learned to suppress it.¹¹ Recognizing this diversity allows communities to respond with empathy

instead of avoidance.

What This Means

Desire itself is not harmful—but when carried in silence or shame, it can deepen loneliness.

Loneliness is more than an ache; researchers find it can harm health as seriously as heavy

smoking—and its toll reaches both body and soul.¹²

This does not mean all singles are lonely, but it does mean faith communities can’t those living

outside marriage “manage just fine.” Without steady connection, isolation quietly erodes well-

being. Recognizing this reality allows faith communities to frame support for singles not as

charity, but as an urgent act of discipleship—one that begins with seeing, naming, and dignifying

desire.

Ways Faith Communities Can Help

• Name the reality of long-term singleness. Preach and teach openly about celibacy and desire so singles feel seen and spiritually supported.

• Create safe conversations. Desire doesn’t vanish with age. Offer shame-free resources on navigating sexuality and faith.

• Foster authentic friendships. Encourage intergenerational groups where married and single members share life and honest conversation.

• Celebrate non-marital milestones. Recognize graduations, promotions, or service—not just marriage—as signs of growth.

• Encourage meaningful service. Volunteering for connection, not duty, reduces loneliness and increases life satisfaction.¹³

• Support hopeful singles without pressure. Pray with them, listen, and connect them without stigma or hurry.

• Highlight communal worship. Weekly worship is linked to lower depression and greater belonging.¹⁴

When communities practice these things, they affirm that single adults can live fully, faithfully,

and with dignity—not someday, but right now.

Endnotes

1. U.S. Census Bureau, Median Age at First Marriage: United States (Washington, D.C.,

2024).

2. OECD/United Nations, Demographic Yearbook: Median Age at First Marriage (New

York: United Nations, 2020).

3. OECD/UN Demographic Yearbook, 2020.

4. Dallin H. Oaks and Kristen M. Oaks, Single Adult Devotional, The Church of Jesus

Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2023.

5. Pew Research Center, “Record Share of Americans Have Never Married,” 2023.

6. Himawan, K. K., Bambling, M., and Edirippulige, S., “Sexuality and Religiosity in

Unmarried Individuals,” Journal of Religion and Health 59, no. 2 (2020): 986–1005;

Fisher, T., Moore, Z., and Pittenger, M., “Sexual Behaviors in Unmarried Adults,”

Journal of Sex Research 49, nos. 2–3 (2012): 61–70.

7. Waite, L. J., Laumann, E. O., Das, A., and Schumm, L. P., “Sexuality: National Social

Life, Health, and Aging Project,” New England Journal of Medicine 357, no. 8 (2009):

762–774.

8. Bancroft, J., The Endocrinology of Sexual Arousal (Oxford University Press, 2005).

9. Bertram, L., Bockenhoff, A., Demuth, I., Duzel, S., Eckardt, R., Li, S. C., et al., “Cohort

Profile: The Berlin Aging Study II (BASE-II),” International Journal of Epidemiology

43, no. 3 (2014): 703–712.

10. Waite et al., Sexuality: National Social Life, Health, and Aging Project.

11. Bancroft, J., and Janssen, E., “The Dual Control Model of Sexual Response: Relevance to

Sexual Dysfunctions,” Journal of Sex Research 46, nos. 2–3 (2009): 215–224.

12. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., and Stephenson, D., “Loneliness and

Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta-Analytic Review,” Perspectives on

Psychological Science 10, no. 2 (2015): 227–237.

13. Okun, M. A., Yeung, E. W., and Brown, S., “Volunteering, Social Connection, and Well-

Being: A Meta-Analysis,” BMC Public Health 18, no. 1 (2018): 816.

14. Harvard Study of Adult Development, “Findings on Worship and Health,” 2017.

Michelle Susong works in BYU’s History Department and is an aspiring scholar with interdisciplinary interests in theology, psychology, and relational wellbeing. Her writing examines the lived experiences of single adults, sexuality, and belonging within religious communities, with attention to how theological and cultural frameworks shape relational life. These interests emerge from both her academic training and a sustained personal engagement with questions of faith, intimacy, and human connection. She aims to contribute writing that is analytically rigorous while remaining attentive to lived experience and human dignity.