There are moments, often in quiet pauses, when you may wonder if anyone feels the way you do.

Your life is full—service, faith, friendships—and yet desire stirs beneath the fullness: relational,

physical, sometimes heavy. You love God and cherish your life, but there’s a quiet tension. You

embrace your singleness, yet you wonder what it might be like to share intimacy.

Some have never married; others have endured the loss of a spouse or the heartbreak of divorce.

Each carries desire shaped by memory, hope, and faith.

What if longing didn’t have to feel like failure to the God you love? In many faith communities,

the tension between chastity and natural sexual desire is treated as something easily overcome by

stronger commitment. But you’re not alone. Many unmarried adults devoted to religious chastity

carry these feelings quietly—gratitude, faith, and grief woven together.

This article explores how singleness, faith, and sexuality can coexist not as contradictions, but as

threads woven toward peace. What does it look like to move from burden to strength? How can

abstinence become a place of spiritual growth rather than fear?

Embracing Sexuality as God-Given and Good

For many religious singles, sexuality feels delicate—yet it is part of God’s design. A 2021 study

found that never-married women who engaged positively with their sexual identity reported

greater emotional resilience and less conflict.¹ In contrast, shame or suppression often deepened

distress.

Faith-based therapists note that building a healthy, respectful relationship with sexuality fosters

integration. This applies not only to those who have never married, but also to those who have

loved and lost. Many divorced and widowed adults describe an ache that blends devotion,

memory, and longing—the desire to feel whole again while honoring past covenants. Studies

echo this experience, finding that desire often persists after loss or divorce—interwoven with

affection, memory, and faith rather than new pursuit.²

Approaching desire with gratitude and curiosity allows individuals to weave this part of

themselves into their spiritual lives. Himawan found that singles who trusted God’s plan and saw

celibacy as purposeful lived with more peace than those who felt deprived.³

Professor Chelom Leavitt’s research shows that when sexuality is viewed as God-given rather

than shameful, Christians report greater calm and self-control.⁴ Still, guilt and anxiety can

linger. The next step is learning how to honor belief while moving beyond shame.

Action Point: In prayer or writing, thank God for your sexuality as part of your divine identity.

Ask how to live with it in peace.

Moving Beyond Shame While Honoring Belief

It’s not desire itself that threatens well-being, but how we frame it. When celibacy is seen as

purposeful, it nurtures wholeness. Singles who interpret their desires as part of a spiritual journey

report less conflict and more clarity.³

Many faith-filled singles panic when arousal surfaces. The instinct is to shut it down, hoping it

will keep them close to God. But perhaps a more faithful response is to pause and listen. Desire

isn’t weakness; it’s evidence of our capacity for connection—the yearning to give and receive

love in full, embodied ways. For some, that yearning recalls love once shared; for others, it

anticipates love still hoped for. Both experiences reveal the same truth: God’s design for

connection endures, even when its expression changes.

In loneliness or uncertainty, we sometimes seek comfort through temporary relief rather than real

connection. Yet even those moments reveal our attempts to soothe longing and understand

intimacy when we have no covenant place to express it. Rather than meeting these experiences

with shame, we can respond with curiosity: What is this desire telling me about what I truly

need?

When we meet desire with honesty, it becomes a teacher—guiding us toward deeper patience

and wholeness. As Leavitt found, learning to mindfully acknowledge sexuality can be “healing,

nurturing, and powerful.”⁴ Feeling arousal is not failure—it’s part of being human. What

matters is how we respond.

Distress often arises when behavior conflicts with belief, a dynamic called moral incongruence.

Guilt intensifies not from desire itself but from actions that contradict personal values.⁵ By

cultivating an integrated mindset grounded in faith and gratitude, singles can reduce conflict and

experience peace.

Action Points:

• Find one trusted mentor or friend you can talk with about faith and sexuality.

• When sexual feelings arise, pause and ask: “What choice here best reflects my faith and

values?”

Mindful Responses to Desire and Arousal

One practical way to nurture this mindset is mindfulness—creating space to notice desire without

fear and respond in faith. Sexual mindfulness means being present with sensations, recognizing

them as temporary, and letting them rise and fall like waves. Focusing on the breath can reduce

anxiety and bring calm when arousal feels overwhelming.⁴

Research shows mindfulness strengthens self-regulation. One study found higher mindfulness

linked to fewer problems with compulsive sexual urges, even after accounting for impulsivity.⁶

Another found that young adults who practiced mindfulness meditation for several weeks

reported reduced pornography use and greater life satisfaction.⁷ Mindfulness helps people “ride

the wave” of desire without being controlled by it.

Action Point: Try a simple breathing exercise when anxiety or shame arises. Inhale for four

counts, exhale for six, and let thoughts move through you without judgment.

Practical Strategies for Living Faithful and Fulfilled

Managing desire well requires structure, spiritual grounding, and community.

Healthy Routine: A steady rhythm—regular sleep, meals, and exercise—builds stability and

reduces stress.⁸ Exercise especially relieves restless energy and improves mood.⁹

Spiritual Practices: Daily prayer, scripture study, and worship anchor celibate adults in God’s

presence. Studies with clergy show that nurturing closeness with God supports healthy celibacy

and reduces stress.¹⁰ Gratitude and prayer are also linked to abstinence and emotional well-

being.¹¹

Service and Community: Strong social support reduces loneliness. Regular church participation

is tied to larger support networks.¹² Volunteering decreases stress and builds fulfilling non-

romantic connections.¹³

Journaling: Writing about struggles and gratitude improves mood and resilience.¹⁴ A prayer or

gratitude journal can reframe celibacy as growth rather than deprivation.

Action Point: Choose one new habit this week—journaling, exercise, or volunteering—that

channels energy into life-giving ways.

Conclusion

Long seasons of celibacy can become profound teachers when rooted in faith and mindfulness.

Imagine this not as waiting, but becoming: a time to grow in self-understanding, spiritual depth,

and connection with God and others.

Desire is not shame—it’s invitation. Whether you are walking through lifelong singleness, the

grief of widowhood, or the uncertainty of life after divorce, longing itself can be a form of

prayer. It reminds us that our capacity for love, intimacy, and connection is still alive—and still

sacred.

With practices like mindfulness, prayer, gratitude, and meaningful community, restlessness can

turn to rest, loneliness to connection, and yearning to peace.

You are not alone. Many walk this path with courage and faith. May this season of singleness be

one you embrace—not merely endure—knowing that even in the in-between, love and grace are

forming you.

Endnotes

1. Shahrak, M., Amini, A., and Ghaffari, M., “Sexual Identity, Unmet Needs, and

Psychological Well-Being in Never-Married Women,” International Journal of Sexual

Health 33, no. 4 (2021): 395–407.

2. Carr, D., and Boerner, K., “Bereavement and Sexuality After Spousal Loss:

Understanding Desire and Intimacy in Widowed Adults,” Journal of Gerontology: Social

Sciences 68, no. 3 (2013): 456–465; Waite, L. J., Laumann, E. O., Das, A., and Schumm,

L. P., “Sexuality: Measures of Partnership, Practices, Attitudes, and Desire Among Older

Adults,” New England Journal of Medicine 357, no. 8 (2009): 762–774.

3. Himawan, K. K., “Single and Happy? A Qualitative Exploration of Never-Married Adults

in Indonesia,” Journal of Religion and Health 59, no. 2 (2020): 986–1005.

4. Leavitt, C. E., “Sexual Mindfulness in Emerging Adulthood: With Sexual Satisfaction,

Anxiety, and Relational Outcomes,” Journal of Sex Research 57, no. 3 (2020): 282–293.

5. Grubbs, J. B., Perry, S. L., Wilt, J. A., Reid, R. C., and Hook, J. N., “Moral Incongruence

and Pornography Use: A Critical Review and Integration,” Journal of Sex Research 56,

no. 1 (2019): 29–37.

6. Reid, R. C., Bramen, J. E., Anderson, A. L., and Cohen, M. S., “Mindfulness, Emotional

Dysregulation, and Hypersexuality,” Journal of Sexual Medicine 11, no. 12 (2014):

3043–3055.

7. Gola, M., Lewczuk, K., and Skorko, M., “What Matters: Quantity or Quality of

Pornography Use? Psychological and Behavioral Factors of Seeking Treatment for

Problematic Pornography Use,” Journal of Sex Research 53, no. 7 (2016): 698–710.

8. Ozbay, F., Johnson, D. C., Dimoulas, E., Morgan, C. A., Charney, D., and Southwick, S.,

“Social Support and Resilience to Stress: From Neurobiology to Clinical Practice,”

Psychiatry 4, no. 5 (2007): 35–40.

9. Rebar, A. L., Stanton, R., Geard, D., Short, C., Duncan, M. J., and Vandelanotte, C., “A

Meta-Analysis of the Effect of Physical Activity on Depression and Anxiety in Non-

Clinical Populations,” Sports Medicine 53, no. 1 (2023): 19–33.

10. Baumann, K., Zdunnek, G., Scharf, S., and Englert, R., “Commitment to Celibacy in

German Catholic Priests: Its Relation to Religious Practices, Psychosomatic Health and

Psychosocial Resources,” Journal of Religion and Health 56, no. 2 (2017): 649–668;

Isacco, A., Sahker, E., Hamilton, D., and Krinock, T., “How Religious Beliefs and

Practices Influence the Psychological Health of Catholic Priests,” American Journal of

Men’s Health 10, no. 4 (2016): 325–337.

11. Wnuk, K., “The Relationships Between Pray

er and Emotional Well-Being as Well as

Sexual Abstinence Among Individuals With Obsessive-Compulsive Sexual Behaviors,”

Humanities and Social Sciences Communications 10, no. 1 (2025): 1–12.

12. Rote, S., Hill, T. D., and Ellison, C. G., “Religious Attendance and Loneliness in Later

Life,” The Gerontologist 53, no. 1 (2013): 39–50.

13. Warner, L. M., Wolff, J. K., Pabst, A., and Schüz, B., “Effects of Volunteering on

Loneliness and Mental Health: A Randomized Controlled Trial,” American Journal of

Geriatric Psychiatry 32, no. 5 (2024): 598–610.

14. Baikie, K. A., and Wilhelm, K., “Emotional and Physical Health Benefits of Expressive

Writing,” Advances in Psychiatric Treatment 11, no. 5 (2005): 338–346.

Michelle Susong works in BYU’s History Department and is an aspiring scholar with interdisciplinary interests in theology, psychology, and relational wellbeing. Her writing examines the lived experiences of single adults, sexuality, and belonging within religious communities, with attention to how theological and cultural frameworks shape relational life. These interests emerge from both her academic training and a sustained personal engagement with questions of faith, intimacy, and human connection. She aims to contribute writing that is analytically rigorous while remaining attentive to lived experience and human dignity.